Excel Multi Cross Over Fanfic From Hell
by T.R. Fanatic
Summary: As the title says, it has Excel Saga, Noir, Pokemon and Gundam in it, just to name a few. Hoping to add more anime in. Updated for sanity's sake... and discontinued.
1. The Chapter Before The First Chapter

**BIG FREAKIN' DISCLAIMER: Hello, folks! T.R. Fanatic speaking, I mean, writing. While I may not be Koshi Rikdo and may not own Excel Saga, Noir and/or the characters of that afomentioned titles, I do have the freedom (and power! TONS and TONS of POWER! MWAHAHA!) to turn it into a:**

**Work of fanfiction!**

**Not just any fanfiction, mind you. But, a:**

**Cross-over Fanfiction!**

**But, it's better than a cross-over fanfic! It's the:**

_**Excel Multi-Cross-Over Fanfic From Hell**_

**(da da daaah!)**

by: T.R. Fanatic

**(da daaaah!)**

_**Episode one (...of many, hopefully): The Blinding Light of Darkness**_

Chapter 1: ...Wait, this is the Prolouge! Dammit!

A long time ago in an anime series far, far away... Okay, it was after the end of Noir. Y'know, that part after Kirika accidentally kills Chloe and_ I've just spoiled the ending for you!_ AAAHHH! (I hope you're not mad at me...)

Well, anyway, we set the stage on... Space? What th' hell? And why is Chloe floating by? (Who's writing and who's the one being random? Are they the same person? This is not the time to talk about it!)

"And you had such a strong fan-base, too..." Great Will of the Macrocosm continued. (...From what?)

Chloe shrugged. "Yeah," she agreed. "sucks, don't it?"

"But, do not worry. I shall revive you with my great power. Here we go!"

And with that weird revival noise and a change of scene, we now find our cloak-clad ...um, "heroine" inside her home know only as... (drumroll) The Manor. (That's it!) Global location: God only knows... oh, wait here it is: on the border of Spain and France! (Don't give it away!)

"You're a good little sapling to rise from the dead." Chloe's guardian/mother-like figure, Altena, cheered.

Chloe nodded in reply. "Of course I am!" She added a salute. "Hail, Mistress Altena!"

Altena went into a coughing fit, hiding her statement: "Wrong anime! They haven't come to corrupt this world just yet!"

"What?"

"Oh, it's nothing, child. Now, here's your new assignment." She handed a paper to Chloe.

In response, Chloe read the paper... turned it upside down... flippped it over, then back again. "It looks like a dog wrote it!" she remarked.

"She did!" Altena replied. "The client is a dog who has been threatened multiple times by a young woman that wants to eat her." She showed picture of a young woman who is trying to make a funny face while trying to hide her look of severe hunger. "Her name is Excel Excel of the Secret Ideological Organization ACROSS, stationed in F City."

"How can you even read that?" a curious Chloe asked.

"I've been learning how speak Dog ever since you died. Now, run along, child! You're killing too much killing time for a prodigcal child assassin like you!"

Chloe frowned. "Yes ma'am." She turned and walked away, deep in thought._ I die, get revived by a space-thingy with arms..._

Just then, the Great Will flies by...

_...And then, get a new assignment. Am I ever going to get a break?_

A blue decision box opened up before Chloe with the three choices of: no, NO! or HELL NO! The pig-cursor, having a Master's Degree in decision-making, selected HELL NO!

Chloe stopped in her tracks. "That's just what I thought!" she stated.

**Chapter 1: ...Wait, this is the Prolouge! Dammit!**

**Today's mini-experiment... failed.**

_A clip from the next exciting chapter:_

Ilpalazzo gazed at his stopwatch. "Twenty-nine seconds..." he muttered. "a new record!"

_(End clip)_

T.R.: See, fanfic admin? I'm working on revamping it! (The sound of hammers and drills can be heard in the background.) I was going to delete it personally, but this was easier... (and less painful on me and the readers.)


	2. The First Chapter

_**Excel Multi-Cross-Over Fanfic From Hell**_

(E.M.C.O.F.F.H. for short)

By: T.R. "I do not own Excel Saga or Pokemon" Fanatic

**Chapter 2: Target: Excel!**

Our story then quickly teleports us to F City's Super Secret Underground ACROSS Base for ACROSS members only. That's right, you, you, and... (points to reader) _you_ are not allowed to go in- h-hey, where are you going? Come back here!

Excel gave another loyal salute to her idol, greeting the work(?) day. "HAAAAAIIIIIIL ILPALAZZO!"

Ilpalazzo muttered silently in reply, "Another day with Excel... And I get to try out my brand new pit that I installed last night." A rope fell and hung from the ceiling with a sign: 'Pull if Excel does anything. By that, I mean _anything_!' "...This will be fun!"

"THAT'S RIGHT! EXCEL IS HERE, LORD ILPALAZZO," the hyper girl exclaimed. "AND IS READY TO PREPARE..." She turned and posed as a familiar motto song began to play. "FOR TROUBLE!" She then, somehow, splits up into two Excels. (As if one was bad enough...)

"THROUGH THE POWER OF ACROSS, WE SHALL MAKE IT DOUBLE!" Both Excels cheered before merging back into one Excel.

She did another pose and cheered, "TO PROTECT THE WORLD FROM MASS CORRUPTION!" She pulled out a bib and grabbed a fork and a knife. "TO HAVE OUR SHARE OF A MENCHI CONSUMPTION!"

She pointed at the sky. "TO DENOUNCE THOSE THAT STAND IN OUR WAY! WHEN THE WORLD IS OURS, THEY ALL SHALL PAAAAAA(big explosion in background)AAYYYYYY!"

She turned and posed. "EXCEL!"

...And turned and did a different pose. "EXCEL!"

The background changed over, now a galaxy with a big red E in front of it. "EXCEL OF ACROSS CHARGES RECKLESSLY AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT! SURRENDER, BOW BEFORE LORD ILPALAZZO, OR PREPARE TO-"

At that moment, Ilpalazzo pulled the rope and Excel began to fall to her impending doom... (ha, impending doom! Like that's gonna stop her!)

"FIIIIIIIIIIIGHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!" she continued before pit showed a faint glimmer of light as she fell... In other words: Ding!

Ilpalazzo gazed at his stopwatch. "Twenty-nine seconds..." he muttered. "a new record!"

Jessie, James and Meowth of Team Rocket appeared behind Ilpalazzo's throne.

"So long, twerp!" Jessie cheered.

"That's what you get when you steal our motto..." James said.

"...From thieves like us!" Meowth added.

Ilpalazzo gave a death-glare at Team Rocket while he pulled another rope with a sign that read: "Pull in case Team Rocket appears!"

"WE'RE FALLING ALREADY! (ding!)" the Rocket trio screamed as they fell into the pit.

Ilpalazzo sighed. "Sorry, but you're not the stars of the show... or, in this case, fanfic. Now, I wonder if they got my e-mail..." He stared out into the darkness of the lonely throne room as a cricket chirped off in the distance. "...I guess there's only one way to find out."

**Chapter 2: Target: Excel!**

**Today's mini-experiment... failed.**

"AAAAAAHHHHHH! SPIDERS!" Excel cried while wallowing in the pit.

**...Okay, a little bit of success. **(Author laughs at Excel's fear and pain.)

"AAAAAAHHHHHH! PIKACHU!" screamed Team Rocket as they attempted to escape the other pit.

**Lots of success if you're a Twerp fan.** (Author cries at Team Rocket's fear and pain...)

_And now, a clip from the next chapter:_

Great Will folded her arms. "Fine! Stubborn pain in the ass! I'll make sure you go on the "Do not revive with great power" list!_"_

_(End clip)_

T.R.: This updating is coming along much easier than I thought it would... Yay!


	3. The Chapter After The First Chapter

_**E.M.C.O.F.F.H.**_

(Title shortened because I'm lazy... and the fact that I don't own Excel Saga or Noir.)

By: T.R. Fanatic

**Chapter 3: Target: Excel! Part 2: Enter the "Sane" People!**

The reader (psst, that's you) must now globe-hop from F City's ACROSS HQ, to Paris, France, (via insane and pointless reading) to the apartment of Mireille and Kirika. (You're going to be sooo lost if you don't know the characters from Noir...)

"The series is over and you haven't kept your promise on killing me yet!" Kirika whimpered.

Mireille sighed, not looking once at Kirika, while typing on the computer. "I _did _kill you!" she exclaimed. "It's just that the Great Will of the Macro-whatever came and revived you!"

Again, the Great Will made her cameo. "Busy, busy schedule..." she said. "who's next?"

Mireille sighed once more, muttering out of ear-shot, "And I was so close, too! Freedom... why can't I have my sweet freedom?"

But, you can try and kill me again, Mireille." Kirika begged as she got down on her knees. "Please!"

"...Maybe after this next assignment..."

"Who is it this time?" Kirika asked as she got up and looked at computer screen.

The monitor showed a picture of a young woman who was trying to make a funny face while trying to hide her look of severe hunger.

'The target is Excel Excel." Mireille informed. "A loyal follower of ACROSS, F City's Secret Ideological Organization. It's seems that she caused..."

Another image popped up showing a picture of Excel running through traffic, chasing after a dog.

"...one too many..."

Yet another image popped up of Excel throwing "Join ACROSS, and all your wildest dreams will come true!" posters, while a tidal wave of posters came crashing down from behind her.

"...city-wide 'disturbances,' if you will...

The Great Will appeared once more. "You called?" she asked.

"Not you!" Mireille barked as she pointed to the door. "Get out!"

The Great Will folded her arms. "Fine! Stubborn pain in the ass! I'll make sure you go on the 'Do not revive with great power list!" With that said, she floated off.

"You do that!" Mireille hissed. "...Now, where was I... ah, right! Our client... is tall, dark and handsome."

"Is that our client's code name?" Kirika asked.

"No, that's what he looks like." Mireille pointed to the picture: a silhouette of ...Ilpalazzo? "Damn, he's hot!"

Kirika swiftly slapped Mireille in the face with a paper fan. "Quit daydreaming!" she ordered while in thought, _If I can't fall in love with someone like Milosh, then neither will _you "...How much is he willing to pay for this hit?"

"Handsomely, of course..."

Kirika slapped Mireille with the fan... again. "Quit joking around!" she barked... before reading the part of the assignment where it stated, 'How much I am willing to pay: Handsomely.' "Oh..." Realizing her mistake she threw fan aside. "Never mind, then."

_She's getting more vulgar every day..._ Mireille thought before turning to her accomplice. "Well, shall we go?"

A blue decision box opened before Kirika, presenting her with the choices: '...No.'; 'Hit Mireille with paper fan,' or 'Oh, all right...' Not being quick with the cursor, the pig decided her fate...

"Oh, all right..." Kirika muttered.

The assassin duo got up and left the apartment... and ended up in F city a few seconds later.

"...That was quick..." a confused Kirika noted.

Mireille nodded in agreement. "Now, where do we search first?"

A billboard appeared above an apartment building with an arrow pointing to room 204 and a sign next to it that read: "Excel lives here!" Another arrow pointed to a sewer grate with another sign: "Excel worships Ilpalazzo here!" Many more arrows pointed to various places of work (buildings, restaurants, farms, etc.) with the signs: "Excel works here... and here... and here... you get the idea."

Kirika sweatdropped at the sight. "...I guess we have to split up..."

Mireille added her sweatdrop as well. "...I guess you're right..."

**Chapter 3: Target: Excel! Part 2: Enter the "Sane" People!**

**Today's mini-experiment... failed.**

_Here's a clip from the next chapter:_

"A writer's commentary..." Chloe pointed out. "interesting..."

_(End clip)_

T.R.: All this from watching the first volume of Excel Saga? I really need to get out more... XP


	4. The Chapter With All of Those Words

T.R.: So very sorry for the huge delay...

Mireille: You better be!

T.R.: Shhh! You're not in this chapter!

Kirika: What? She's not?

T.R.: You're not in here either! (points to door) Get out, both of you!

The assassin team took their leave. On the way out, Kirika slapped T.R. with the paper fan.

T.R.: Oww... Ahem, anyways...

**MichelleTherese:** Since you (possibly among the many) have not seen Noir, I shall give you a crash course!

_**THE CRASH COURSE INTO NOIR!**_

It is best put like this: chicks... with guns!

Chloe: And knives!

T.R.: (nods) Exactly!

_**E.M.C.O.F.F.H.**_

By: T.R. Fanatic -- One of many authors that doesn't own Excel Saga, Noir or Gundam (any and all Gundam).

**Chapter 4: (points) Look Over There! (Runs away)**

You, the reader, now makes a one-way trip (because it's expensive for round-trip) back to F City, where we now find Chloe entering the not-so normal town.

"I guess this is the right place..." she said before looking over at the sign: 'Now Arriving in F City! Population: ...Um, 1... 2... 8? Wait, that's not right; Days Without Alien Invasions: 2; Days Without Pocky: 47 (and still hungry)' "...Yup, this is it."

Off in the distance, a strange creature called. "Arf! Arf!"

Chloe shifted her eyes to an alley where a dog, Menchi, stood in the shadows. She walked over to Menchi and asked, "What is it, girl? Did little Timmy get trapped in the well, _again?_"

"Arf arf bark bark arf..." Menchi replied.

"What?"

"Arf arf bark bark bark arf!"

"Come again?"

"Arf arf-!" Menchi stopped mid-sentence and looked at the blank space underneath them, then slapped her forehead. "Arrr..." She whimpered before pulling out a remote control and pressing a button. "Arf arf bark bark arf?" she asked again while a subtitle appears beneath her that read: "You're the one I hired?"

"...Yes." Chloe replied while pulling out the letter that Menchi wrote. "And your handwriting is horrible!"

"Bark arf!" the dog cursed. (The subtitle read: "(bleep) you!") Her paw slipped, accidentally pressing another button on the remote

"Okay, exactly what the hell was I _on_ when I started writing this?" A voice remarked from the sky.

"A writer's commentary..." Chloe pointed out. "interesting..."

Menchi quickly turned off the commentary and sighed. "Bark bark grrr..." she growled under her breath. (Subtitle: "(un-translatable)") "Arf bark bark arf arf bark arf bark?" she asked. (Translation: "You will kill the target, then?")

"Of course..." the assassin replied. "You had to make me walk _forever _to get here!" She sighed. "...Hell, I'll show you a flashback..."

_The Flashback!_

_We find Chloe walking through the grapevines at the Manor, departing her home once again... We then find her trudging through the burning sands of a desert... then through a tundra with waist-high snow... then through a bamboo forest where samurai are fighting in the background... then (is it ever going to end?) underwater at the bottom of the ocean... then (finally) making it to F City where she face-faulted the moment she stepped across the city's border._

_"I made it!" she cheered as she pulled out a stopwatch, looking at it horror. "Two minutes!" she screamed as she pounded the ground with her fist. "Dammit! Same as last time!"_

_END FLASHBACK!_

"Bark bark arf bark bark arf arf arf!" Menchi yelled. "Arf bark arf arf bark bark-" (Translation: "This is no time for dramatics and sympathy! Either kill Excel now or-")

"So, you've rose from the dead to get your revenge!" a mysterious person interrupted.

Chloe and Menchi looked to the rooftop, in an overly-dramatic manner, to find Nabeshin. While the audience in the studio whooped and cheered for their hero.

"...Nabeshin..." Chloe hissed. "So, you still live. I have not seen the likes of you since Bogeta!"

Menchi's paw slipped again, accidentally turning the commentary back on.

"Wait, those two know each other?" T.R. asked. "Where's that in the script?"

Menchi fumbled with the remote, turning the commentary off.

"What you did back there was unforgivable, and I shall not let you live!" Chloe hissed as began to throw knives at Nabeshin.

Nabeshin swiftly dodged every knife being thrown at him. "You may be the top ninja assassin from Hell," he noted. "but you shall not defeat me!" He dug into his afro and pulled out hundreds of lit cherry bombs...

The battle dragged on as the two combatants covered more ground around the city. Somehow, Nabeshin's reinforcements, a team of Ground Combat Gundams, arrived to overwhelm the enemy. However, Chloe's reinforcements, a massive army of Zakus, appeared to even the score.

And the battle still rages on...

"Ar arf arf bark arf arf bark bark bark?" Menchi cried. (Translation: "Does that mean you're not going to help?")

**Chapter 4: (points) Look Over There! (Runs away)**

**Today's mini-experiment... is at a stalemate. The result will come when the One-Year War is over...**

_Here's a clip from the next chapter:_

**SCENE MISSING**

_(End clip)_

Chloe: The scene's missing?

T.R.: (holds back tears) I'm sorry, all right? I'm working on it!

Chloe: (Shows the beloved fork to T.R.)

T.R.: What's that for?

Chloe: It somehow makes you feel better when you stare at it for a while.

T.R.: (stares at the fork... then smiles) ...I guess you're right...


End file.
